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A Letter From The Dead
Harry sat on Sirius' bed, his mind drifting through his memories of the first and only Christmas. He had just finished going through his Godfather's possessions and the memories had come flooding back. All he could remember was Sirius being sad and lonely. He could see the look on his Godfather's face as he left to go back to Hogwarts. He could see the look of hate as Sirius fought with his mother's portrait. Blocking them out didn't seem to work so Harry sat down on the bed and allowed himself the chance to remember.
The memories didn't seem to be in any particular order; they just appeared and seemed to torment him. In his memories Sirius was smiling, enjoying the company. He'd told Harry that Grimmauld Place was more of a prison than Azkaban. There were so many bad times encased in the walls of the house that Sirius felt as though he was back living with his parents.
A knock at the door abruptly shook Harry from his thoughts. The door opened and Remus Lupin waked in to the room. He sat on the edge of the bed next to Harry and wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulders. At that point, the tears that Harry had been holding in burst out. It was like a dam had burst as Harry shook and cried in Remus' arms. No words were exchanged as Remus sat and held Harry as he let out his grief. All he could do was offer what little comfort he could.
When Harry had stopped crying and wiped away his tears Remus said, "I know its hard Harry but what happened was not your fault. Trust me when I say that Sirius was amazed at what you would go through to save him. He said so himself Harry. Sirius wouldn't have wanted to go any other way. He died protecting what meant the world to him."
"But it was my fault. If I had just tried harder at occlumancy then I wouldn't have had that damn vision!" Harry banged his fists on the bed. "Sirius would be here now if I hadn't been so stupid."
Remus sighed knowing that he wasn't going to get through to him. The only person that had managed to get through to Harry was Sirius himself. Remus gazed at Harry and took in his appearance. His eyes were puffy and red from on the crying. Tear streaks stained his face and Harry's emerald eyes looked dull as though they'd lost their spark. Remus reached in to his pocket and brought out the letter. Remus glanced at Harry again and said, "Harry…I know I'm not Sirius but I hope you still think of me as a friend." He gave Harry one last hug before leaving Harry to his thoughts once more.
It was a while before Harry noticed the letter. He reached out with shaky hands only to yank his hand back as he recognized the hand writing. He reached out again and broke the seal on the letter. He froze as he went to pull out the letter, dreading what Sirius would have to say to him. It would break his heart beyond repair if Sirius yelled at him and said he hated him for what he'd done.
Harry took a deep breath and pulled the parchment out of the envelope. He opened the letter and settled down to read.
If Remus has given you this then I must have kicked the bucket. Don't blame yourself Harry, I was probably being an idiot or protecting you. Either that or Snape has finally gotten me for that ballerina curse from Christmas!
Harry chuckled as he remembered the look on Snape's face. Sirius had managed to sneak up behind him as he was delivering Remus' wolfsbane. The curse hit him square in the back and the next thing he knew, he was sporting a pink tutu, leg warmers, ballet shoes and was dancing across the kitchen. The look on his face had been priceless and had given him and Sirius many nights of laughter.
Anyway Harry, I had a good life. I pranked till my heart was content, had the best friends anyone could ask for and had an amazing Godson. What more could I ask for? Some of the best times of my life were with James or you, Harry. Do you remember Christmas Eve? I spent the entire night teaching you how to play poker using dares as bets. I think we gave Remus the fright of his life that night with the blow up chicken!
At this point Harry burst out laughing. He and Sirius had switched the chicken Mrs. Weasley had cooked with a muggle blow up chicken. They had then charmed it to look real and gave it a little extra surprise. When Remus had tried to carve the chicken for everyone, the chicken got up and sang God Save The Queen then fell back to the table lifeless. It had everyone save Remus and Mrs. Weasley in hysterics for the rest of the evening.
What I'm trying to say Harry is that these are the things that you should be remembering. The good times. It's not your fault that I'm dead Harry, the fault lies with the person that set you up and the one who dealt the blow. You did what anyone would do in the situation. You risked your life because you thought I was in danger. I was proud to see that you would do that for me. Even the greatest people have been fooled by Voldemort. Don't blame yourself for something that's not your fault. Don't make the same mistake I did. I thought it was my fault that James and Lily died; it took Remus to beat some sense in to me and convince me that it was Pettigrew's fault. I wasted part of my life blaming myself for something that I didn't do Harry and I want better than that for you.
Harry felt the tears stream down his face again. He didn't know when Sirius had written the letter but he figured it couldn't have been long before he fell through the veil. What he was saying was beginning to sink in but he still believed that he could have done something. He had been standing next to him in the battle; there must have been something he could have done. But something that Sirius had said got to him. He did what he thought was best and Dumbledore had been fooled more than once by the evil git's schemes. He knew a small portion of the blame was his for not trying with Snape but he wasn't the one who fired Avada Kedavra.
A wave of hate rose up in Harry, replacing the loss and anguish. He wanted to make Bellatrix LeStrange suffer for what she did to Sirius. He wanted to kill Voldemort for giving him the vision, for setting up Sirius and for killing his parents.
Look after Remus for me Harry; he's going to need you now more than ever. Especially in the run up to the full moon. He gets kind of tetchy so he may be a little temperamental. If he goes after Snape, don't stop him. It's always good for a laugh. Promise you.
Remus said that I should give you some advice but I can't really think of anything wise to say. The only thing I can say is live life to the fullest, look after yourself and make sure you give Snape hell.
Always remember that I love you Harry,
Harry dropped the letter on the bed. He hung his head and sighed. Anger and hate swam through him warring with his guilt and confusion. He hated Voldemort and vowed to avenge Sirius death. A look of determination passed across his face as he folded the letter and put it in his pocket. A smile crept across his face as he remembered the small party Sirius had thrown him downstairs. Once again, Harry let himself get lost in his memories, but he let himself get lost in the good times.
Tags: a letter from the dead